This one's for you, Hannah.
I'm currently taking a creative writing class from a famous author. Like, New York Times Bestseller famous. He doesn't write the kind of fiction that I read, but my good friend Hannah and my husband both really like him, and he only teaches one class once a year at the university, so I figured I would give it a shot. He's actually pretty awesome and I love the class.
I guess he has a thing for gummy bears because some guy who's trying to suck up to the teacher always brings a bag of them to class for famous author to chew on while he teaches. Tonight famous author was recovering from a cold, so the entire two hours he was talking looked like this:
Cough into his hands
do that little pinch the nose and flick at the nostrils thing you do when you feel like you have crusty boogers
roll gummy bears between his fingers
pop them in his mouth
It was disgusting, but hey, they were his germs he was eating, right?
So then halfway through class he gets this brilliant idea to start rewarding students who ask questions by tossing them a gummy bear. So then the scenario goes:
cough into his hands repeatedly while talking
wipe his nose with his fingers
roll gummy bears between his fingers for like two minutes each while listening to and answering question
toss them to the student who asked the question
More often than not the gummy bear landed on the floor or someone else caught it and handed it to the person who it was intended for. The question asking student would then excitedly gobble up the gummy bear. They were probably hoping some of Author's literary genius would be transmitted to them.
I was horrified. It was like the movie Contagion coming to life.
But then I had a brilliant idea.
So I raised my hand, asked a question, and jumped like an eager seal when he tossed a gummy bear my way. The kid behind me caught it and politely passed it up.
I wrapped it up and put it in my backpack to give it to my good friend Hannah who loves famous author. I will put it in the mail and she can be closer to him than she ever imagined.
Because that's the kind of friend I am.
Because I love you, Hannah.