Wednesday, March 26, 2008

End of an Era

Today I submitted my letter of resignation after almost four years of working with my company. For a lot of people the decision to maintain a career or to be a stay at home mom is a clear-cut, easy decision, but for me it was a rough one. I have invested a life-time in education and worked hard to get to the top of the game in my career. I have had some lucky breaks along the way, but mostly it has been a lot of hard work and emotional investment. I also work with the most amazing people in the whole world. Walking away from that feels like losing a large part of my identity.

But then when I leave for work in the morning and Calvin clings to my neck and gives me one of his big open-mouthed kisses, it breaks my heart to leave him. For a while I have explored the option of doing both, but at the end of the day something's always gotta give, and knowing myself, it would be my family that has to make way. After Andy and I have gone over and over this, I realized that I'm ready for this new adventure. I'm ready to read stories, play with bugs while lying barefoot in the grass, make peanut butter sandwiches, change diapers, and wash dirty faces.

I've come to realize that I'm not wasting my education or losing my edge on the world, I'm just slowing down and enjoying the opportunity to pass it all on to someone who is more curious and eager to learn than any adult I've ever encountered. My manager took it much as I had expected. She said that as a manager she wants to scream and tell me not to go, but as a woman she's thrilled about my choice and excited about the opportunities. She let me know that I was always welcome to come back, or that if I never did, I could always know that I went out while I was on top. I loved being on top of that world, but I feel a sense of excitement (and apprehension) about moving on to bigger and better things in a whole new world.

For better or worse, Calvin, I'm all yours!